Decision Time

I keep thinking that I'm not sure why I'm doing this blog, and then I get an e-mail from someone that says they like it, are learning something or feel motivated, so I guess I'm gonna keep at it. Thanks for checking in on me!

But sometimes , I don't know how honest I am always being here. I try not to sound too vulnerable, confused, and generally lost, although I often feel that way. I try to write when I know that I have processed a thought long enough, and feel safe enough to have it judged, read, evaluated, or otherwise taken in by someone other than Ralph, who lovingly endures so much of my thought processing. These writings are not raw, and sometimes I feel like I really do want to share the raw stuff. It's hard to navigate, so I'm just going to try to open up a little bit more - slowly, gently, trustingly.

In the meantime, we have made a few decisions since I've started "transitioning to me".

1) I can continue to work part-time (at a minimum earning enough to cover the cost of adding me and Briana to Ralph's health insurance) until Briana is finished with sixth grade.

2) We are going to move to the Philadelphia area late next summer when our current lease is up (if you can recommend neighborhoods and/or a realtor, please share!).

3) We are going to look at Independent School options for Briana in Philly (again, recommendations for these or other schools to investigate are most welcome).

These decisions have - well, specifically the one about moving to Philly - not come easily. When we told Briana, she said something like, "You guys are gonna feel bad when I get shot coming home from school. It will be your fault!" OMG!!! What are we doing?!

Her fear is based on so many Philly and other big city transplants to Delaware, namely her middle school friends and associates, who apparently have convinced her of the dangers apparent to living in the city. Safety and quality of education are truly my two biggest concerns about the move, with cost of living coming in third. But, Ralph really misses his friends, is getting tired of the commute to and from work, and wants to be "home". I can understand that, so compromise it is.

We have a year of planning and looking ahead. It's kind of exciting to think of starting over somewhere. Being in my apartment in DE for these last four years is the longest stint of stability I've had since Briana was born and I am a little scared of change. We moved around a lot, and then we found and made home. I'm proud of that.

Now the time to move on is approaching again. Things don't stay the same forever. This whole approach to life - planning, dreaming, preparing - is relatively new to me. I keep thinking it's still all going to fall apart and I'll be back on my hustle any day now.

Well, in the meantime, I'm going with the flow.