After sitting at my computer for about an hour doing work, I decided that I'd had enough. I got up, took a shower, got dressed, and decided to go out. My objectives: make a cash withdrawal from the bank, buy orange juice and Ralph's cereal from Trader Joe's, and have lunch at the local Indian restaurant.
Well, I accomplished my goals. What is exciting about all this is what I did not plan - to have a conversation with the Roman Catholic Indian waiter at the restaurant and make a new friend. Khegi (sp?) asked me about the book I was reading while I ate. It's The Story of B by Daniel Quinn. The restaurant wasn't busy, so I guess Khegi had time on his hands. He asked me what the book was about.
My summary was that it is the sequal to a book entitled Ishmael that basically reveals humanity's foil 10,000 years ago at the time of the Agricultural Revolution. A new culture arose and became dominant - takers, our culture which wages war against the rest of creation for the purpose of food production. Leavers are those who continue to live in the way humanity has lived for 3 million years, since we first evolved, without waging war on the rest of creation.
Well, Khegi was interested in the book and pessimistic about humanity's ability to really learn to change our pattern of life.
"Do you work?" Khegi asked.
"No," I replied.
"Well do you study?" he followed, to which I again answered no. Khegi looked puzzled and I explained that I worked part-time from home.
"Are you married?"
"Yes."
"Do you have children?"
"Yes, a daughter."
"So how come you don't work?" Khegi came back to it. I explained that I wanted to have more time with my daughter at home, that my mother lives 30 miles south, and we don't have other family members nearby, so I need to be available to my daughter. Khegi then asked about friends.
"Friends? In Delaware?", I asked hestitantly. "No, I don't really have many of those either." And then I remembered and said, "Well, there is my religious community. I'm a Baha'i."
Khegi hadn't heard of the Baha'i faith before, so I explained that Baha'is believe that there is one God, and that the world's major religious teachers all revealed messages from God. I told him that Baha'is believe that Baha'u'llah came to bring a new message to humanity to bring us all together.
"So you believe that all people are one?" Khegi asked. "Yes, I do."
"That's good. Most people think Muslim, Christian are all different and separate. But there is only one God, " Khegi continued. I agreed with him.
From here, Khegi extended his hand, told me his name, and said that he was my friend. So, I've promised to go back to the restaurant to talk with Khegi again and to bring him some information about the Baha'i Temple in India.
At various social events, I meet new people and sometimes have interesting conversations with them. This happens on a regular basis. But never, never has one of these minglings turned into an offer of friendship. I am excited to have met Khegi. A friendship formed because of a common belief - there is only one God and He loves us all. The beauty of humanity doesn't get any better than this.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Gettin' the Boot
Well, my time is almost up. It has been confirmed that my contract at my current job will not be extended beyond October. My days are numbered, and for some reason when my boss told me, I felt like she was firing me!
I guess it's been five years at one place - you get comfortable. I know the ins and outs, whether I like them or not. I am glad that this time is come. After all, I set it in motion. What are the next steps?
Search for a part-time job. If anyone is aware of opportunities, please share with me. I'm pretty flexible about what I'm looking for - but only weekdays between 8 a.m. and 2:30 p.m. - gotta be home when Bri gets back from school.
This is it! It's really happening! I'm about to really be flyin' the coop.
I guess it's been five years at one place - you get comfortable. I know the ins and outs, whether I like them or not. I am glad that this time is come. After all, I set it in motion. What are the next steps?
Search for a part-time job. If anyone is aware of opportunities, please share with me. I'm pretty flexible about what I'm looking for - but only weekdays between 8 a.m. and 2:30 p.m. - gotta be home when Bri gets back from school.
This is it! It's really happening! I'm about to really be flyin' the coop.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Decision Time
I keep thinking that I'm not sure why I'm doing this blog, and then I get an e-mail from someone that says they like it, are learning something or feel motivated, so I guess I'm gonna keep at it. Thanks for checking in on me!
But sometimes , I don't know how honest I am always being here. I try not to sound too vulnerable, confused, and generally lost, although I often feel that way. I try to write when I know that I have processed a thought long enough, and feel safe enough to have it judged, read, evaluated, or otherwise taken in by someone other than Ralph, who lovingly endures so much of my thought processing. These writings are not raw, and sometimes I feel like I really do want to share the raw stuff. It's hard to navigate, so I'm just going to try to open up a little bit more - slowly, gently, trustingly.
In the meantime, we have made a few decisions since I've started "transitioning to me".
1) I can continue to work part-time (at a minimum earning enough to cover the cost of adding me and Briana to Ralph's health insurance) until Briana is finished with sixth grade.
2) We are going to move to the Philadelphia area late next summer when our current lease is up (if you can recommend neighborhoods and/or a realtor, please share!).
3) We are going to look at Independent School options for Briana in Philly (again, recommendations for these or other schools to investigate are most welcome).
These decisions have - well, specifically the one about moving to Philly - not come easily. When we told Briana, she said something like, "You guys are gonna feel bad when I get shot coming home from school. It will be your fault!" OMG!!! What are we doing?!
Her fear is based on so many Philly and other big city transplants to Delaware, namely her middle school friends and associates, who apparently have convinced her of the dangers apparent to living in the city. Safety and quality of education are truly my two biggest concerns about the move, with cost of living coming in third. But, Ralph really misses his friends, is getting tired of the commute to and from work, and wants to be "home". I can understand that, so compromise it is.
We have a year of planning and looking ahead. It's kind of exciting to think of starting over somewhere. Being in my apartment in DE for these last four years is the longest stint of stability I've had since Briana was born and I am a little scared of change. We moved around a lot, and then we found and made home. I'm proud of that.
Now the time to move on is approaching again. Things don't stay the same forever. This whole approach to life - planning, dreaming, preparing - is relatively new to me. I keep thinking it's still all going to fall apart and I'll be back on my hustle any day now.
Well, in the meantime, I'm going with the flow.
But sometimes , I don't know how honest I am always being here. I try not to sound too vulnerable, confused, and generally lost, although I often feel that way. I try to write when I know that I have processed a thought long enough, and feel safe enough to have it judged, read, evaluated, or otherwise taken in by someone other than Ralph, who lovingly endures so much of my thought processing. These writings are not raw, and sometimes I feel like I really do want to share the raw stuff. It's hard to navigate, so I'm just going to try to open up a little bit more - slowly, gently, trustingly.
In the meantime, we have made a few decisions since I've started "transitioning to me".
1) I can continue to work part-time (at a minimum earning enough to cover the cost of adding me and Briana to Ralph's health insurance) until Briana is finished with sixth grade.
2) We are going to move to the Philadelphia area late next summer when our current lease is up (if you can recommend neighborhoods and/or a realtor, please share!).
3) We are going to look at Independent School options for Briana in Philly (again, recommendations for these or other schools to investigate are most welcome).
These decisions have - well, specifically the one about moving to Philly - not come easily. When we told Briana, she said something like, "You guys are gonna feel bad when I get shot coming home from school. It will be your fault!" OMG!!! What are we doing?!
Her fear is based on so many Philly and other big city transplants to Delaware, namely her middle school friends and associates, who apparently have convinced her of the dangers apparent to living in the city. Safety and quality of education are truly my two biggest concerns about the move, with cost of living coming in third. But, Ralph really misses his friends, is getting tired of the commute to and from work, and wants to be "home". I can understand that, so compromise it is.
We have a year of planning and looking ahead. It's kind of exciting to think of starting over somewhere. Being in my apartment in DE for these last four years is the longest stint of stability I've had since Briana was born and I am a little scared of change. We moved around a lot, and then we found and made home. I'm proud of that.
Now the time to move on is approaching again. Things don't stay the same forever. This whole approach to life - planning, dreaming, preparing - is relatively new to me. I keep thinking it's still all going to fall apart and I'll be back on my hustle any day now.
Well, in the meantime, I'm going with the flow.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Dreaming Just Big Enough
Ralph and I have been engaged in very tedious and detailed discussions of late about what we want our life together to be like. We have been talking about individual wants, goals, and desires, as well as about what we would like to accomplish together for our family.
Over the last few weeks, I realize that I have been learning something about this whole transition to me thing. Mainly, that it's not all about me. With a child and a husband, I realize that I can dream big, but maybe not all the way big.
Do you remember the movie with Billy Bob Thornton, "The Astronaut Farmer"? Well, Thornton's character at one time was in training to be a NASA astronaut, but because of family issues, basically dropped out of the program, took over his father's farm, and was raising kids with his wife. However, he still had the dream and passion that motivated him to become an astronaut, so he built (along with help from what must have been his exceptionally bright teenage son) a rocket in his barn. He had all the support of his family, and had even rallied support from the folks in his town. It was a big deal that he didn't give up on his dream, even though it put his family in debt and nearly killed him. It was all the stuff movies are made of - go after your dreams, convince others that your dream is big enough to become their own too so that they will support you, and never give up, even if you hurt those you love because they will always forgive you and give you another chance.
I guess for some people, some dreams are worth having. Well, I don't have a dream that big, and I don't want a dream that is big enough to potentially destroy my family. I don't mind dreaming in such a way that may require members of my family to make sacrifices, as I am willing to sacrifice for their dreams too. I just know that asking Ralph to give me space to do the Peace Corp or become a foreign diplomat wouldn't enhance our relationship, no matter how much I may want to travel internationally. I know that he is deeply rooted in his community of family and friends and that a drastic move like that would be more than too much. So, I would have to settle with being a tourist and hoping to save enough money over the years for us to travel abroad.
I am on my way somewhere, and I don't want to go alone. I want my family to come with me, and to be content with the process it takes to get there. We are learning to work on that as we dream.
Over the last few weeks, I realize that I have been learning something about this whole transition to me thing. Mainly, that it's not all about me. With a child and a husband, I realize that I can dream big, but maybe not all the way big.
Do you remember the movie with Billy Bob Thornton, "The Astronaut Farmer"? Well, Thornton's character at one time was in training to be a NASA astronaut, but because of family issues, basically dropped out of the program, took over his father's farm, and was raising kids with his wife. However, he still had the dream and passion that motivated him to become an astronaut, so he built (along with help from what must have been his exceptionally bright teenage son) a rocket in his barn. He had all the support of his family, and had even rallied support from the folks in his town. It was a big deal that he didn't give up on his dream, even though it put his family in debt and nearly killed him. It was all the stuff movies are made of - go after your dreams, convince others that your dream is big enough to become their own too so that they will support you, and never give up, even if you hurt those you love because they will always forgive you and give you another chance.
I guess for some people, some dreams are worth having. Well, I don't have a dream that big, and I don't want a dream that is big enough to potentially destroy my family. I don't mind dreaming in such a way that may require members of my family to make sacrifices, as I am willing to sacrifice for their dreams too. I just know that asking Ralph to give me space to do the Peace Corp or become a foreign diplomat wouldn't enhance our relationship, no matter how much I may want to travel internationally. I know that he is deeply rooted in his community of family and friends and that a drastic move like that would be more than too much. So, I would have to settle with being a tourist and hoping to save enough money over the years for us to travel abroad.
I am on my way somewhere, and I don't want to go alone. I want my family to come with me, and to be content with the process it takes to get there. We are learning to work on that as we dream.
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