Processes

When Ralph and I first discussed the potential for me to leave my job, we established some conditions and expectations. These included:
1) Take time to think and plan what I’d like to do next
2) Make a plan for how to go through this process
3) Get a part-time job in September


I think I’ll be okay on the thinking part and finding something to do part-time. However, I think I will be challenged by the planning the process part. There are so many questions to ask and I am not sure that I’ve identified all of the important ones, although I have a running list. So, I’d like to ask for your help in thinking about a process.

Once I quit my job (I have 8 days left), I’ll be home pondering and trying to organize my thoughts around this whole what am I going to do with my life idea, but I’d like to break the big question down. Do you have a process for making decisions? In making decisions about your own life, is there an experience you can share? For those of you familiar with the Baha’i process of consultation, how can it be effective in helping me decide what’s next?

Fear Don’t Live Here No Mo’

As I near the end of my employment, I must admit that I have a little fear. It is the proverbial fear of the unknown accompanied with fleeting “what if…” questions breezing through my mind. I trust that things will work out fine, but know that there are sacrifices being made by not only me, but by my husband and daughter to allow me this chance to breathe.

When I started writing this post, I thought that I would list those “what if…” questions, but on second thought, I recognize that there is no reason for me to live in that fear or to bring it to life by putting it out here in cyberspace.

How many times have opportunities come before us, but because of fear and lack of faith, we’ve sat idly and watched a chance go by? How many times have we said, “I could never do that” because of disbelief in our abilities and not wanting to do the work to find the innate and latent gems in ourselves? Who would we be if we stopped discounting ourselves and believed in and obeyed the Words “Noble have I created thee….Rise then unto that for which thou wast created.” [1]

It is not my intent to get preachy here. It’s just that in this moment I am clearly recognizing how immobilized I have often been because of fear. In her book Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, Marianne Williamson writes [2] “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure….” When did we become so fearful to live life as it is intended - fully, with knowledge that suffering is, and that awe is on its way?

I just ask these questions and peruse this thought because I have lived in fear too much. I have been afraid to sing out loud because I thought my voice too frail in comparison to many others (although I love to sing and actually can). I have been afraid to dream big because I did not want to be disappointed with no one to blame but myself for my failures (my neurosis). I have been afraid to let go of someone who didn’t love me because I didn’t trust that God loved me enough to send along someone who would. The list goes on.

Anyway, I am feeling a bit liberated now, and want to share my change of address [3].

"Can't remember if I told you that:

I have moved out from 1 Beggars Alley, located at 2 Poverty Lane at the corner of Bleak and Buster Circle. As of today, I have a brand new home.

My new address is Living Well on 3 Abundance Drive , located at the corner of Blessings Street and Prosperity Peak. No longer will I allow myself to travel on Begging Peter to Pay Paul Route, located at a Dead End Intersection called I Don't Have, it connects with Borrowers Junction.

I no longer hang out at Failure's Place, near Excuses Avenue , next to procrastination Point. I've moved to an upscale community called Higher Heights with unlimited potential and opportunities for me to succeed.

Look at me, Each day that I'm awake, I am thankful that I'm a product of my new environment, all of my clothes are tailor made, I'm dressed in life's finest, let me introduce you to them: Divine Favor, Conceive, Believe, Act on Faith, Be Persistent, and Always Be Prepared to Achieve.

Life is good because God is good!! Care to change your address?

There are many vacancies!"

---

[1] Baha’u’llah, The Hidden Words

[2] note that this quote is often incorrectly attributed to Nelson Mandela

[3] I don’t know who wrote this, but it wasn’t me

Antsy Pants at Work

I have a running list of topics to write about for this blog, including this one. I guess now is as good a time as any to go through it.

Yesterday, my boss announced (via e-mail) to everyone that I’ll be leaving my job on July 11^th. It seems so official now! But in many ways, I already feel like I have left. Since I told her that I would be leaving, my mental focus hasn’t been the same.

Instead of being focused on timelines and projects, I have spent several weeks in paralysis at the keyboard just feeling the relief and release at knowing there is an end in sight. It has been difficult to concentrate on work-related tasks, so I tried a few different things to keep me from totally fading out.

We didn’t tell my two staff assistants right away that I would be leaving. Instead, my approach was to spend more time with them in discussion so as to make sure they would be in a good place for the transition about to take place. So, we talked a lot about documenting processes, time management so that those “off the radar” tasks can become more a part of the regular work day, and learning better how to anticipate needs. Honestly, I’m going to miss these ladies. They are wonderful to work with and it has been such an extreme pleasure to not only mentor and coach them, but to learn from them as well. I’ll miss them!

Another thing I’ve been doing is going through all the old files I still have. So, it’s been the Clean House three piles system – toss, keep, delegate to a staff assistant to file away. I have a lot of stuff to go through and will likely end up with mounds of shredded paper to discard.

But, antsy pants or not, and no matter how much I want to just take three hour lunches, surf the internet for hours (so okay, I am guilty of a few times), I know that how I leave my job is just as important as all of the stuff I’ve accomplished in between the start and finish. I don’t want to become the slacker girl who came in late and made pit stops at everybody’s cubicle throwing it everyone’s face that I’m leaving just because I’m absolutely jubilant and excited! No, I have to retain composure, professionalism, FOCUS, and just get through the next 11 days with my reputation as a diligent, reliable, and efficient team player in place.

But it’s so hard!!!!

Suggestions Anyone? Transitioning to a Single Income Family

This decision of mine to just leave my job was not one made without serious thought, consultation, and prayer. However, I have been able to make this decision for myself because of the support and love I receive from my husband, Ralph. While I’ll be contemplating, researching, analyzing and finding more time to spend with Briana, Ralph will be out in the “real world” earning a living for our family. Best thing about it though is that he absolutely loves what he does and the organization for which he works.

Well, as we know, the tale of women in the workforce and the “stay-at-home-mom” has taken many twists and turns over the last thirty to forty years. Women have been breaking barriers, while many still remain, and learning to negotiate for what they want. Well, what I want to is to take some time to develop a long-term plan for how to contribute to the betterment of society. Who do I negotiate with to get that time? My husband.


Ralph was the one who said, “…then just quit,” when we had another one of those long drawn out discussions with me in tears talking about my stress, insecurity, and inability (let alone desire) to manage all that was on my plate. Once he said those magic words, the screaming in my head went away and that judgmental and unequivocally pessimistic voice was silenced. Did he really mean that I could just quit my job?! Are you serious?! How could we possibly ever allow that to happen?

Well, over time, we have developed into the ever budget conscious and penny-watching couple. Tooling around with our budget, adding expenses paid, developing debt pay-off and savings plans have become somewhat of a hobby for us. We spend a few hours discussing our finances weekly. These are discussions, brainstorming sessions, and team-building strategies. I dare say and admit that we actually enjoy them! Fortunate for us, we tend to be on the same page about our financial priorities.

That aside, many of the choices we have made that have benefited us financially have been lifestyle changes. For example, I finally agreed after almost two years of dissent, that we could live without cable and that a NetFlix subscription would be just fine (and it is). We were able to cut our home phone bill in half simply by switching to an internet phone service provider (BTW, anyone interested in signing up with Vonage? If you get service and say we recommended you, we both get a month free!). Another example is of our increasingly vegetarian diet.

All of this leads to the road of us needing to continue to watch our budget especially since our income is about to shrink in half. One of the first things I did (after we figured out that we could afford this change) when I decided to leave my job was to do research on how to transition to becoming a single income family. There will be a lot of sacrifices made – our individual weekly “allowances” for “extra food” and entertainment will be diminished; the amount of times we eat out or order food for delivery will be lessened as well. It’s funny, so much of our disposable income goes to actually entertaining ourselves with good food.

I know we’ll need to be creative about finding fun and inexpensive things to do. So, if anyone has recommendations for “free” or cheap stuff to do - family activities that don’t include the exorbitant fees for amusement park or movie theatre tickets, or a cheap date – please leave a comment on the blog and share your recommendations. Also, tips you may have on saving money on grocery shopping, transportation expense, clothes shopping, etc. are also welcome!

Thanksgiving

I am so amazed! Yesterday I took an anxiety-filled step and shared my search for the broader direction of my life with loved ones. Many of you are feeling me, and I am so surprised, shocked and awed to experience the love and support you have offered in your words of encouragement and counsel. I thank you.



We all have work to do. Part of the Baha’i Short Obligatory Prayer reads, “I bear witness, O my God, that Thou has created me to know Thee and to worship Thee.” The acts of fulfilling the purpose of our creation are found through the experiences we choose to have in this life with other people and in our stewardship of God’s creation. We are in this race preparing our souls for a journey to come in another realm. This existence is training, a practice run for what’s to come. How will we leave it? Will we have run the course and made it as close as we could to the finish line? Will we have started it and then given up when a hurdle seemed too high to jump? Or will we have just stayed at the finish line, having refused to even start the journey?



I am reminded of the Bible verse found in Hebrews 12:1, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

Fifteen Days and Counting

Four weeks ago I walked into my boss’ office and told her that we needed to talk. Being the newlywed (first anniversary in a month!), and all, every closed door conversation or sentence that starts with “I have something to tell you” means I’m pregnant. But, I’m not. This behind the door revelation was about quitting, no, resigning - still better - just plain leaving.



Approaching my fifth year with this non-profit organization, and four years in the same position with increasingly more responsibility, accountability, and higher expectations, I figure now is as good a time as any to leave. While still in college, I made my first conscious choice for a career path. I chose to lead a life and pursue a career that would put me in service of humanity. This service was not about selling manufactured goods, or “feel-good” experiences. I wanted my contributions to be life-changing, to help move people out of the gray and into the light of salvation, of living well. The only model I knew to provide this (aside from being a physician which I never seriously considered), was to work in the non-for-profit sector. Ten years later, it is where I am and where I’ve learned a lot because of insufficient resources, and where I have had to wear many hats – fundraiser, graphic designer, marketing and advertising expert, coach and mentors to my assistant, web designer, project manager – all at the same time. I have efficiently and matter-of-factly become a generalist. These are the gems of the job.



But my leaving coincides not only with having reached the midpoint of my career, it merges with newness in finding new realities in motherhood because now I have a partner; a dream come true in really having met the perfect guy for me; and now the opportunity to learn about myself. At nineteen and the end of my freshman year of college, I came home pregnant and in January 1997 gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My family was not initially supportive of my decision to become a mother, so I moved to Connecticut to live with “my baby daddy,” who later and briefly became my first husband.



Motherhood, marriage, scholarship, and womanhood all collided at the same time and I was like “whoa.” I had to get my hustle on to make this all work, and add my 20 plus hours at the bagel and coffee shops each week. I made a decision to graduate from college just because so many seemed to think I wouldn’t make it. It was during this time that I first became familiar with the concept of a non-profit organization having been hired to work part-time at a community foundation; and I decided that I wanted to throw in my lot with this crowd.



Fast forward 10 years later, I was still hustling, this time in a different city with an elementary school aged daughter, divorced (but with my degree!) and single, and in a job with the promise of career advancement. My job provided me with so many experiences, that all of a sudden I realized that I had grown up and become a manager. I was responsible for programs; younger employees looked to me for direction and I was mentoring and coaching them. Again, whoa! When did this happen? When did I begin working late, taking work home, traveling for business, and doing work from home when my daughter was home sick from school and I needed to take a sick day to be with her? When did I realize that I didn’t enjoy it anymore? That the pace of the hustle over the last 10 years had taken its toll? That I was thirty and had gained 25 pounds since college?!



Well, it has been within this first year of marriage while someone has been loving me and taking his time to make sure that I am okay that I have realized that in some ways, I am not. Now that someone is here to help with homework, to watch romantic comedies with, that can help me stick to the budget and holds me up during a bout with depression – now I see.



I see that while my hustle yielded me “Independent Woman” status, it was also wreaking havoc on my mind and soul. With the opportunity to see my career for what it is, I realize that I am tired of little support and recognition, of burn out followed by depressive episodes and not wanting to spend another day of my life lamenting with my colleagues in fear of the CEO’s response to a meeting binder with a typo! So, I’m leaving.



My embarkation is not to another job, or even another career path. It is to home, to sanctuary, to a break. I don’t like to think of my choice as having given up. Rather it’s a choice about uplifting my life to the universe in surrender to another path. Who says there is only one? Who says I can’t stop where I am and just doing something different. For the first time, there is no demand on me that compels me to produce as a means of earning as a means to barely live. Instead of confronting unemployment with trepidation (as I would if I were still a single mother), I’m confronting joblessness with awe and excitement about self-discovery.



This leaving is taking me somewhere I have never been for more than a week’s worth of paid vacation at a time; and even then, I was too scared to go too far, lest I not be able to return. That somewhere is so close to home, it is the most intimate place I know – it takes me right to me.